Songs of Will T. Massey — “I Ain’t Here”

Will T. Massey (1991) debut albumThis lead-off song from Will’s eponymous 1991 MCA release announced the arrival of a hot new talent. The song got the full Hollywood-style music video treatment, receiving play on Country Music TV back at the time.

Will’s deeply personal lyrics proved hauntingly prophetic. In so many words in his songs, Will was sharing how his mind was going astray with the onset of schizophrenia. Songs like this and “Midnight All Day Long” presaged the mental struggles that would all too soon overwhelm him.

I’ve got a mansion of memories —
I just might
Crawl through the window
And sleep there tonight.
I want to talk to myself,
An innocent child.
I want to ask that little boy
Why did you grow to be wild?

Reality is nowhere near.
If you’re looking for me,
I don’t know where I’ll be —
I ain’t here.

Yeah, I’ve seen the future —
My wishes will come true.
Tell me
Is your well worth
All the pennies I threw?
I’m asking myself,
A silver-haired man
Did happiness have a place
In your plan?

Reality is nowhere near.
If you’re looking for me,
I don’t know where I’ll be —
I ain’t here.

Do me a favor:
Knock me out cold,
Throw me on a train,
I’ll keep my soul,
Take bids on my name.
I want be blind,
I want to depart
Out of my mind
Into my heart.

Now when I see myself
Through your eyes,
Well, you never can tell,
But I’m always surprised.
And there’s no recognition
When I am alone —
I’ve got a house full of mirrors
And no one is home.

Reality is nowhere near.
If you’re looking for me,
I don’t know where I’ll be,
I ain’t here.

I’m looking for me,
I don’t know where I’ll be,
I ain’t here…
I’ll keep looking for me,
I don’t know where I’ll be…

About bullersbackporch

I am a native Austinite, a high-tech Luddite, lover of music, movies and stories and a born trainer-explainer.
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