Wrapping up my recent blog post relying on quotes, I realized I had inadvertently quoted only men. Realizing how foolish that was but also realizing women deserved their own separate post of quotes, I went ahead and posted “Enfolded in Purple.”
Well, now it’s the women’s turn. Except, in truth, I found such riches of wit and wisdom from the first two women I thought to quote that I decided I’m going to need a lot more than just one blog post to even begin to bring you some of the best quotes from women. Rather than worry about that, here’s a few quotes from delightful Dorothy Parker and the marvelous Molly Ivins. We can let the other ladies have the microphone next time.
“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
“The cure to boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
“I hate writing, I love having written.”
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
“Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.”
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
“Living well is the best revenge.”
“There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
“This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”
“Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.”
“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
“Well, I seriously tend to be optimistic to the point of idiocy, almost always.”
“I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.”
“The thing about democracy, beloveds, is that it is not neat, orderly, or quiet. It requires a certain relish for confusion.”
“The thing is this: You got to have fun while you’re fightin’ for freedom, ’cause you don’t always win.”
“I learned two things growing up in Texas.
1: God loves you, and you’re going to burn in hell forever.
2: Sex is the dirtiest and most dangerous thing you can possibly do, so save it for someone you love.
“I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.”
“I am not anti-gun. I’m pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We’d turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don’t ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.”
Of course there are plenty of other pithy quotes from both of those wonderful women, as well as dozens, scores, and hundreds more of women well worth quoting as well. We’ll get to some more of them when we revisit the shrine of queenly quotes.
Today, I’ll just wrap it up with a man’s refrain from a calypso tune, rendered here by the Grateful Dead.
It ain’t me, it’s the people that say
That the men are leading the women astray
But I say that the women today
Are smarter than the men in every way.