Excerpted from an email sent to a friend, updating him on my health situation:
“About 2 weeks ago (July 3) I suddenly had stabbing, shooting pain in my back, down my leg, recognizable as sciatica pain — which I’ve never experienced but Sara knows from decades of dealing w it.
4 hours laters we headed to the ER, as I could not safely walk alone and the only comfortable position was flat on my back on a hard floor. 5 hours & an x-ray later we had a diagnosis and path forward: spondylolysis, involving a protruding disk and “multilevel degenerative change,” and a recommendation to see a spinal specialist.
Since then, it’s mostly been delays in the disconnected pieces of our healthcare “system.” I needed to see my primary care physician to get a referral. But the spinal clinic won’t accept a referral without an MRI, which took another week to schedule and complete. At least that appointment was here in Cañon City. Spinal clinic is up in Colorado Springs, about an hour away. And although the MRI was done 1 week ago today, the clinic still has not received the MRI images they need. The good news: Sara was able to schedule our consultation. The bad news: that isn’t until Sept. 14.
That’s 2 months from now. So much for quick relief.
Meanwhile, I remain mostly incapacitated, not leaving the house except for med appointments, not even leaving the room I’ve set up for life on the floor often. Sara is taking excellent care of me. We’ve both been through extended rehab stretches, requiring extreme mutual support. I worry I’m stressing Sara out and she worries that I worry about her. Also, she worries more about me than I do, really. Pain management is mostly effective in tamping down the pain level, not knocking it out entirely Nights are the worst so for now, so I’m pretty sleep-deprived & ding-y.
We’ll survive this. Not fun and a long, uncertain road ahead, likely involving some sort of surgery. I’ll update you along the way. For now, we’re practicing coping. Gonna need a big dose of that in next few months.”
For now, I seek comfort where I can. Music always helps. Edward Abbiati, whom I first met 16 years ago when he booked my cousin, Will T. Massey, for a few dates in Italy. Since that time, Edward has taken his passion for music even further, performing and recording his original songs with forming his band, Lowlands, and solo.
Several years back, Edward faced a life-threatening health crisis that inspired his album, “Beat the Night.” now I listen to those songs with fresh appreciation. This song was the first I heard and it hit home from the very first listen. When I feel myself slipping into shades of depression, I listen to — and sing along with — this tune.
“I Got Hurt” by Edward Abbiati, from “Beat the night”
I got hurt.
But I got heart.
And I got soul.
I’m gonna climb
Right out of this hole.
I got hurt.
But I got heart.
It ain’t no crime
To want a little more time.
A winter sun
Is better than none.
Hold on when it all comes undone.
We’ve all that date
Just can’t escape.
All I’m trying to do
Is to get there late.
I got hurt.
But I got heart.
And I got soul.
I’m gonna climb
Right out of this hole.
I got hurt.
But I got heart.
It ain’t no crime
To want a little more time.
My skin is all cut up
And my voice is cracking up.
But there’s a new tune
Going around my brain
Lying awake at night,
Trying to keep the demons at bay
Praying for new life
And a brand-new day.
We all need someone
To be with us at night
As we close out eyes
And say our good-byes
We all need somebody
To shine a little light
As we search for a new day
And a different way
I got hurt.
But I got heart.
And I got soul.
I’m gonna climb
Right outta this hole.
We got hurt.
But we got heart.
And we got soul
We got soul
We got soul
We got soul
We got soul.
Buller's back porch 