Alan, Emeritus

Emeritus: an honorary title granted to someone who retires from a position of distinction

I’ve always envied anyone using the honorific title, “Emeritus.” It sounds grand and imbues the owner with an air of expertise & authority unlike any other title.

The literal translation refers to a person “having served out one’s time, having done sufficient service.”  As an honorary title, it’s primarily given to professors who remain aligned with their institution upon their retirement from active teaching.  It can also be granted as a mark of distinguished service to virtually any position by the action of a governing board of some sort.

But having been self-employed for 20 years, the only “governing board” that could grant emeritus status to me would be, uh, me. And right there is the obvious solution. Simply put, I will grant myself the title “Emeritus” since no one else can. There’s no specific criteria required to become emeritus but I can assure you, I have been an excellent Alan, well deserving of the recognition. I gladly accept the honor.

I’m thinking I should get a new business card simply stating, “Alan — Emeritus.”

Initial mock-up of business card I have no business printing

See, I am seriously retired. I don’t even want to work for money any more because then somebody will insist I do something for them since they’re paying me. If I wanted to do it, you wouldn’t have to pay me — I do a lot of things I enjoy. I just don’t have to do much of anything these days. So, generally, I do very little.

But if you want or need advice (even when you’re sure you don’t), I can weigh in with my expert and now Emeritus opinion about what you’re doing  — and how to do it better since you’re obviously doing it wrong.

You don’t have to thank me — you’re welcome.

All part of being Alan, Emeritus.